Saturday, December 16, 2006 . 9:46 PM

hmmm..alot things happened recently...dad in hospital..lots of stress from piano teacher and lots of personal stuffs..realli so stress man..

somemore keep getting scoldings and stuffs..hehex..but then it was all ok..hmmm..now playing games again lor..destress lah..hahas..

or else realli will die lah..aiya..dad condition now ok le bahs..he went hospital one week i guess..and when they on the siren of the ambulance..

it realli worried me as i guess it was like realli an emergency..then i saw that my dad had a lack of oxygen..it realli scared me..

then i suddenly felt that a life was like so fragile..so easy to be lost anytime too..it realli told me to treasure life..

at that moment when i was waiting for my dad..i thought of lots of stuffs..it also like told me that life was something..u onli have one..u cannot have two lives..

it also suddenly came to my mind that being a civil servant was like a realli noble job..to save lives..or even a doctor..could just save someone life..

it realli feels as though they are holy or sth..i realli think that..one should live life to the fullest..and not like waste it on stpid stuffs like gambling i guess..

realli stupid things..i realli dunnoe..anyway..hes out lers..i go lers bahs..tired leh..xD buaiix guys

Saturday, November 25, 2006 . 11:05 PM

hais..today sad arh..becaz mum lor..keep scolding me for nth..or rather for sth..but like kinda unreasonable things..

it was about like textbooks lah..like if u buy textbooks..the print of the 2nd edition and first edition would be realli small rite?

then we went there..then saw books..then went to buy..then after that the person also so blur de lor..like give us wrong books..

then like so darn stupid lor..then have to keep changing sia..zzz..

then after that..it was like there was this book..science de..then it was first edition..

me and my mum checked three times..then nvr found it..then in the end..i got scolded becaz of it..say wad i nvr check properly..

might as well..she say that..she and me nvr check properly..then mayb sound more like it lor..sians..

then i was like taking all the burden..so darn lame sia..then it was like so darn unfair lor..hais..dunnoe bahs..

realli affected about it lor..kinda like..when something goes wrong..all the blame is on me..then when something goes right..and goes smoothly..its her credit..

it has always happened for alot of times lers..almost scolded her worx..but then like she is my mum..so nvr scold her at all..not even once becaz of this..

hahas..anyway..my day was realli bad..sick and somemore all these..realli sians..somemore..the gums cut by wires..hais..so sians..so pain..

anyway i go orh orh liao..buaiix buaiix..heeheex..

Thursday, November 23, 2006 . 12:44 AM

I'm sorry for everything that happens to you.

I'm sorry that I'm not able to love you anymore.

I really have no rights nor anymore freedom to fall in love with you further.

I'm sorry for breaking all the vows we made of staying together and everything.

I can no longer follow suit and continue walking with you.

I must make your heart die, not your body,
but your heart only.

I mustn't let you your body die.

I've got no rights to do so.

I shouldn't have taken your whole heart away then trash it in your face.

I really shouldn't but I had no choice.

I've no longer anymore time nor efforts to do so.

I can no longer continue walk along with you.

I'm sorry for everything.

I said all those mean things just to make your heart die,
and no longer hold on to any hope that's twinkling in your hands or anything.

I must never let you wait hopelessly on and on.

I'm sorry.

Please forgive me.

I really hope I can hold back my tears and fake a laugh or anything.

I can't.

Tears are flowing and the blood.. dripping every 3-5 seconds.

I can no longer hold on anymore.

Sorry if I can't and be your sister.

Sorry for everything.

I didn't mean for everything to turn out this way.

I hate to see you dying, slowly.

I'd rather it was me in your place, suffering.

But, I am suffering along too.

I was hoping the pgysical pain was greater than the emotional pain.

I was hoping so hard that I would just sleep to my death.

I'm really worried about you, dar.

I really never wanted to leave you deliberately but I really had no choice.

I really want to hold on with you forever too,
but there's like too many things to handle.

I'm sorry.

I'm so worried about you now.

You must survive.

I love you.

I really do, although I told you I don't and you cried so hard.

I'm sorry for lying about everything.

I'm sorry I hid everything to myself.

The more I do them, the more I feel I don't even deserve to be your dear.

Seriously, I miss your laughs and smiles.

I really miss them.

I really miss them, alot.

Although I know I can never get them back,
nor get you back.

I'm really sorry.

Please make it through tonight.

Please survive.

I want you to be alive.

I need you to live.

You're my everything.

I'm sorry for all.

iloveyouiloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou
iloveyou

i've decided to stop slacking and really typed them all out.

You know, I'm not good at typing and type really slow.

I'm sorry I don't have time anymore to type out a 100 for you to pray for your safety.

But I meant what I type.

I love you.

I really love you.

I do.

Please believe me and hold on.

I need you to.

I'm sorry dar..

-typed with tears, blood flowing & with a hurt hand.
the one who will always stand by you no matter what,
the one who wants you to be alive and there for her too,
your dear, hopefully always your dear.

:'(

Monday, November 20, 2006 . 8:42 PM

hey..sorry long time no blog arh..becaz like its alot things happened..then we decided to cool down..and like sort of break up..then like just be frens..realli good frens..

thats all we are now..hahas..its ok..at least got frens to be..rather than strangers..i dun wan update lers..remind me of alo stuffs we did..

go lers..buaiix *heartbroken*

Thursday, November 09, 2006 . 12:43 PM

hmmm..kinda happy..we got back together i guess..becaz we solved the problem between us..and that was she was pressurized bahs..

she scared she is busy next year and dun have time for me..but i guess thats okays bahs..becaz its a new year afterall..hahas..should work harder..

and achieve for better results i guess...and we sort of talked about next year how it was going to be like all that..i guess..its better this way..

its better we talk things out..and try and solve it together i guess..its also like make us know wad the other party needs..and wad he or she wans..

that should be the way i guess..it should be like..we solve it together..and not like break up becaz of it..and try get back together after a long period of time..

she actually intend to wait till sec 4 over then like we patch things up..but then i guess..the time will change de bahs..then like ppl will change too..

even if i am not afraid she will change..but then time..will like fade the feelings de bahs..rite?hahas..so will wait?just plan something bahs..hahas..

then we sort of planned things together..like after school do homework together lor..then after that go home together all that kinda stuffs..

kinda happy that all this is solved..hahas..^^

i go lers..


<33her

Wednesday, November 08, 2006 . 1:04 PM

my body..feels even much weaker today..so much more fragile..so much more vulnerable to attacks..

can anyone tell me..is life just a game?hahas..mayb its just a game to everyone bahs..hahas..

to me its a performance..lets say its a recital..a piano recital since i like piano so much..its like..there is climax..structure..lots of important stuffs..

lets say..my structure of my life is based on my family..while the climax is love..and all the other parts are frens..

now..i have lost frens and love..i guess..its time..i took a step down..and just take a long break off things..let things go..all of them go..

nth seems important to me anymore..it all feels so dim..so dark in my world..there is no colour..its all like the olden days..all black and white..

since..two of the things are gone..the performance is imcomplete..so it will certainly end..so its game over..

end of the recital..the performance..its that simple i guess..if u lose two important things..wads the point of keeping the structure..

if its just a hollow one..i have given up even my structure..but was holding on since pri 3 hoping that the other two will keep me going..

hopefully bring the structure that i wan back..and keep it together and stay as it is..but now..it seems to me..all three is lost..

all gone..i guess..its time..this performer retires and gets a long break and just sit back..take the backseat..just rest..forever in his little cottage..

mayb for me..its in heaven or in hell..i dunnoe..i guess..there is always a place for everyone there..so..its the end of the journey of my life..its..nth..

its nth but worthless..its si empty and hollow..nth is in it..all has been taken away to share..to give away..i guess so..its that way..

so..its the end..if u see it as a game..its game over..and there is no turning back..GAME OVER..there isnt a restart button for it..it just ends..

mine life ends here..i guess so..

--Tragically twisted. Beautifully tortured. He is travelling on his way to hell. Tormented. I'm sorry..

Tuesday, November 07, 2006 . 11:51 PM

harlows..suddenly..my body just feels so weak..so tired..i feel like just giving my life now..nothing much seem to matter to me now..

i guess..its time..my body took a long rest..on the bed..mayb it wont wake..thats all i know..it would just lie there flat..motionless..

i guess..i realli dunnoe..my mind is in a whirl..i am lost..crying now i guess..dunnoe over wad..i guess..its too straining..hahas..

its time..i took a realli long break..i guess when i mean a long break..it means forever..i realli dunnoe how long i can still hold on..

how to bring it standing on its feet again..i feel i am tearing apart..breaking up..my arms seems to be dropping..strengthless..

my whole body just wishes for a rest..mayb..it wishes to rest forever..i dun even know if i may make it tonight..hahas..

i am just holding on to my last breath..hopelessly struggling with my scars..my spikes..i realli dunnoe..it all seems just too hurting..

too straining for me to handle..i guess..i should just let it down..let it rest..until..the day it comes..when i have got over it..

or something has brought it back..or else..its trying not to wake..facing the harsh truth..it rather be a coward..be something weak..

it just wishes to rest in peace..unless..wad it requires comes back..the part..the thing the heart needs..the most..keeps it beating..

i hope i get it back..and revive my lost soul..at least to find it back..to get it..to make it come back..or else..its me my body and in the grave..

under three feet..lying there..in a small little coffin..comfortably resting..awaiting to be rotten..thats all i can say..

buaiix..i go ler..


--tears flow endlessly..like a stream of blood flowing through an open wound..its been cut so deeply..it wont stop..hiding in a far corner..crying alone..